That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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