two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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