Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
