I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
