this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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