Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
