I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
