If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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