I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
