I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
