Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
