can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
