i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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