Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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