end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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