I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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