he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
