She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
