I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
