too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
