I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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