he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
