There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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