he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
