she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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