I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i've created a new STD.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Panties = found
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
