Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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