Sry I called you an 8
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
