Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
