The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have post one night stand depression
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