Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
