Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
