wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
