either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
