I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
