ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
