Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
