So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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