we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
