If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
