You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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