He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
