I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
