well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
