His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
