walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
