At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
