So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i barfeds in our rink
it was like eating out sand paper
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
