covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
