so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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