she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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