Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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