Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
